


I Won't Change My Mind

by Topographical_Map_Of_Utah



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, Scarred Finn, is that a thing?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-24 20:43:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6166213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Topographical_Map_Of_Utah/pseuds/Topographical_Map_Of_Utah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn is self conscious and Poe tries to prove he's wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Won't Change My Mind

"Seen Finn? I've got his discharge documents." Poe crouched in front of the little droid and whispered into what he imagined was his ear. "And could you take off for the night?"

BB-8 beeped indignantly and rolled off, talking to himself in annoyed little whirs and clicks. Poe watched him leave, grinning. Before he started cussing him out, BB-8 had made Poe happier than he had been in awhile with one word and one number: Room 45. 

He walked down the pristine white hallways, glancing at the numbers on the doors. To say he was excited was an understatement. He was going to see Finn again. His Finn, the guy who had helped him hijack a TIE fighter, the guy who had pulled his jacket out of its wreckage so he could remember him, the guy who had spent a night in Poe's arms when they found each other again.

That last part wasn't common knowledge, though. 

Poe turned a corner and paused. Finn was sitting outside of his room, Poe's jacket slung over his shoulders. Poe walked up, a grin on his face. 

"Hey, babe. How's that new spine treating you?" Finn looked up and smiled, tired and bruised but radiant as ever.

"Hi." He stood and pecked Poe on the cheek. "Sorry, I guess I slept in." 

"I'll have to get you an alarm clock." He held Finn steady and pat him on the shoulder. "We got you all set up in a room. It'll be tight, but just think of it as cosy." 

He led Finn through the base, stopping every so often to help him along. Eventually they ended up in a long white hallway lined with industrial green doors. At the end of the hall Poe stopped and dug into his pockets for his keycard.

"You're bunking with me." he announced, smacking the brand new placard on the door, underneath the more battered one labeled with his first and last name. "Look, we got you a name tag and everything." He expected Finn to be pleased, but when he inspected it his face screwed up into a pout. "What? Did they misspell something?"

"That's not fair. I don't have a last name. Everyone else has one. They could've made one up." Poe snorted as the door slid open, revealing two single beds, two nightstands, and two green barrack boxes stacked on top of each other in the corner. It was funny seeing his room with two of everything. He liked it. Except for the beds, the beds would be pushed together.

"How about Dameron?" he suggested. Finn rolled his eyes and picked up the linens folded at the foot of his unmade bed. "Why not? It suits you." 

"In your dreams, Poe." 

"But I already have a wedding song picked out." Poe complained. He grabbed Finn around the waist and waltzed him around the room, singing the first song that came to mind, an oldie his mom had blasted while she was working on the A-wing. Finn laughed, trying to wriggle out of Poe's hold, smacking him in the face with the pillow he was holding. When he managed to disengage he stumbled back and landed heavily on his unfinished bed. Poe followed him down, still singing.

"Hey, c'mon..." Finn laughed, pushing Poe away. "I'm sweaty, you're sweaty, it's disgusting and I want to take a shower." He tugged at the collar of his shirt and glanced at Poe. "Are there showers here?"

"Nah. But there's a river a couple miles out. Whole base goes in together every Tuesday night. Lots of fun, real bonding experience." For a second Finn looked legitimately concerned. "Just kidding, buddy. Down the hall, first door on the left."

"Thanks." He pecked Poe on the nose and grabbed a pair of sweats and a hoodie off of the floor. "I'm borrowing these." 

"Be my guest." Poe lay back on his bunk, grinning at the fluorescent lights glowing above him. This would work out well. He noticed that Finn had left his laundry bag lying on top of the bed. A good boyfriend would be considerate and bring their significant other their things. Poe liked to consider himself a good boyfriend.

His footsteps squeaked in the empty hallway, his humming echoed off the walls. Everyone else was at dinner. He got into the locker room and looked around. Finn's clothes were piled on the floor in front of the second shower stall, his silhouette clearly visible through the thin curtain. Poe tossed the laundry bag onto the bench and knocked on the side of the stall.

"Babe? It's me." He heard the rings holding the curtain up slide across the bar. "Not looking." He clamped his hand over his eyes, peeking through the gap in his fingers at Finn. "You forgot your laundry bag. When you're done put all your clothes in it and drop it in the shoot." 

"Thanks." Poe cast a hopeful glance at Finn, who looked as though he knew what was coming next.

"Can I come in?" Finn rolled his eyes and smiled at Poe.

"If you don't look, then yes." 

"How's that gonna work?" But he was already stripping, adding to the pile Finn had made earlier. He had his arms crossed over his chest and was leaning back against the wall, watching Poe undress. 

"You seem pretty anxious to find out." Poe laughed and jumped in, almost giddy with excitement.

Then the water hit him.

Oh, fuck no.

Relying on instinct he bolted, sprinting down the hall, forgetting that he was naked. When he got to his room he pulled on the first thing he could lay his hands on, which may or may not have been a none-too-clean pair of boxers, and burrowed under his scratchy wool blanket, gasping and sputtering. 

The water had been freezing, like a million little shards of ice being sprayed at him at terminal velocity. How could Finn handle that? It had been sort of like being fucked by a snowman while being kicked in the stomach by a Wookie while also getting a blowjob from a Sarlaac. In a word: unpleasant. He stayed curled up in his bunk, teeth chattering and hands pressed over his crotch. He wasn't moving any time soon.

A few minutes later he woke up to someone shaking his shoulder. He must have dozed off. 

"Are you okay?" Poe looked up at Finn, who was hovering over him, drops of water glistening on his face and Poe's sweats resting low on his hips. Poe would be turned on the second he could feel his junk again.

 "Are you a fucking wampa?" Poe managed. Finn shrugged, a grin tugging at his lips. "How can you stand that?" 

"We only ever took cold showers in the Order. I'm used to it." He collapsed on the bed and let Poe shove his hands into the pockets of the hoodie he had borrowed. "I guess you're not."

"See, we have this technology in the Resistance, real futuristic. Made Starkiller look like a crop-duster." He rested his head on Finn's chest and sighed. "It's called a water heater."

"You won't get hypothermia, will you?"

"Hard to say." Finn squeezed him and grunted.

"You're really cold." He suddenly hopped out of bed and turned off the lights. Poe sat up, curious.

"And what's this?" Poe could hear the soft sound of clothes hitting the floor and being pushed into the corner.

"I'm making sure you don't freeze." Finn explained. "And heat transfers better with skin contact." He crawled onto the bed and hugged Poe, his bare chest warm if somewhat wet. Poe laughed and wrapped his arms around Finn's neck.

First off, entirely unexpected. Secondly, not at all unwelcome.

Poe closed his eyes and sighed. He already knew that the guy was a teddy bear, but just how touch starved Finn must be after two weeks spent under finally dawned on him. A medical droid, for all its merits, probably wasn't all that huggable.

"Poe?"

"Yeah?"

"Why're you touching me there?" He realized he had been kneading Finn's back, his fingers dipping into the bumpy dent between Finn's shoulder blades. 

"Dozed off. Sorry." He removed his hands and rested them behind his head. Shit, he'd wanted to relax the guy and all he had managed to do was scare him. Smooth move, Dameron. He cursed himself and stroked Finn's neck. He was still tense. 

Now Poe knew that Finn was a teddybear, but he also knew that this particular teddy bear wouldn't be touched below the neck when he was naked. Poe usually understood, but right now, the sensation of Finn's body against his, not just right in front of him but also right on top of him, Poe just wanted to know what the hell it was about himself that freaked Finn out so much. Besides, it seemed to be bothering Finn as much as it was bothering him.

"Tell me what's wrong, sweetheart." Poe smoothed a hand over Finn's hips, keeping well away from the waistband of his sweats. "I'll see what I can do about it."

"Nothing's wrong, honest." Finn mumbled. The guy was a terrible liar.

"I know nothing, and that ain't it." He kissed the top of Finn's head, running a hand through his hair. "You can tell me." He honestly didn't expect Finn to answer, then the weight on top of him shifted, as though to bolt if need be.

"I'm ugly. The scars, I mean. Especially the new one, but the others are pretty bad too. And the brand..." 

“Brand?” Finn rolled over and sat on the side of the bed, his breathing rattling noisily in the dark. "Finn?" He wouldn't turn around, so Poe sat up, pulling himself closer. "What brand, buddy?" 

“Nothing. It’s nothing. It's just…” he rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. “We all got branded, the stormtroopers. We all have…” he trailed off and shrugged. 

“Those sons of bitches...” Poe lay his head on Finn's shoulder, mouthing at the side of his neck. Finn pushed him off and ducked his head. "Okay." Poe got out of bed and crouched in front of Finn, taking his hand. "So what bothers you about it? Why can't I see?" 

“You just can't.” he insisted weakly. “If you see, you won’t…” 

“You think I won’t like you anymore because of how you look.” Finn nodded and Poe sighed, running his hands over Finn's arms, trying to get him to relax. “This late in the game? C’mon, sweetheart, I’m really too invested at this point. We’ve gotten this far, and nothing could change how I feel.” He stood and kissed Finn, silencing the argument he saw forming on his lips. When he pulled back they rested their foreheads together, eyes inches apart. “You got that?” 

“I'm scared.” Finn mumbled.

“There’s no reason to be.” Poe assured him. He straddled Finn and kissed him again, easing him back down into the mattress. “Trust me?”

 "Yeah."

Finn stayed completely still as Poe reached over to turn on the lamp, watching him with shallow, uneven breaths. When he turned back and saw Finn's chest and stomach Poe hesitated, settling back down on Finn's hips. 

Scars ran up and down Finn's torso, stretching and distending his skin, which in the worst spots was a painful shade of purple and crisscrossed with prominent blue veins. The mark of the First Order was branded on his chest, right where his heart was. Tentatively, Poe reached out, but let his fingertips hover over the skin, not wanting to hurt him. Finn bit his lip, mistaking the concern for disgust.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Poe said softly. 

“I didn’t want to scare you.” Finn answered, his voice quavering. “I didn’t want you to hate me.” 

“I could never hate you.” Poe insisted, trailing his hands slowly down Finn's broad chest. Finn held his breath when he felt a kiss skim his collarbone, not trusting the truth in Poe's touch or words.

“You don’t have to do this…” he murmured.

“What?” Poe lifted his head, his eyebrows furrowed. “Does it hurt?” Finn shook his head and shifted, anxious to cover himself up before Poe came to his senses.

“The scars, you don’t have to touch-“

“I want to.” Poe countered as he rubbed his face into Finn's chest.

“But...“ he trailed off as Poe ran his fingers lightly over his powerful shoulders, caressing the rough and uneven skin. When he traced over a particularly hideous gash on his waist Finn whimpered softly, and Poe's hands paused on their path down his body. He glanced up and noticed the silent tears streaming down Finn's face. 

“Finn? Shit, Finn, I'm sorry.” He pressed his lips to Finn's nose, cupping his face in his palms. "Do you want to stop?"

“No. Yes? Yes, but...” he was sobbing at this point, and Poe brushed the tears from his cheeks.

“Tell me what’s wrong. I'll fix it, okay?” 

“Me, I’m wrong. I’m wrong and you shouldn’t want anything to do with me. You shouldn't want to be with me, you shouldn’t want to touch me, but I want you to so badly-“ He bit his lip and shook his head. "I just can’t understand why you’d do this and I don’t want to make you change your mind because I love you-” he broke off, his voice cracking. 

Poe leaned forwards and pressed his lips against Finn's, letting him gasp against his mouth, letting him cry himself out, letting Finn hate himself for a little while longer as much as it killed Poe to see that him like that. Then when Finn's sobs had been reduced to the occasional sniffle Poe pulled away and wiped the tears away of Finn's face.

“But you’re not wrong, Finn. And you know something?” He pressed the heel of his hand to Finn's chest, feeling the unsteady pounding of his heart. “I love you too.” he whispered. “I can prove it to you if you let me.” 

“But…” the protest ended in another sob. Poe patted Finn's stomach and sighed. 

“How about this?" He took Finn's hand and placed it on his wrist, indicating he should grab it. Finn did the same with the other hand and looked up, waiting for instructions. "Tell me where to go. Tell me what to do." He leaned forwards and kissed Finn on the cheek. "I'll only go where you want me to."

Over the next half hour Poe explored every inch of Finn, first with hands, then lips, without a hint of hesitation. His touch, gentle yet insistent, sent thrills down Finn’s spine. But it also seemed to be putting him to sleep. It was weird, having a body on high alert but a mind like wilted leaves. He was dozing off when a jolt ran through him and he gasped, feeling a hand trailing down his thighs. 

“Poe…” Poe blinked and drew his hand back, looking sheepish.

“Sorry, sorry. Got caught up.” He kissed Finn on the cheek and laughed. "Save that for another day."

"Yeah." Finn yawned, rubbing his eyes. "I'm tired." 

"Seriously? You just woke up." 

"Don't blame me." As Finn reached down to retrieve a pillow that had fallen on the floor he felt a kiss press to the middle of his back, right above a scar. He bit his lip, warmth rushing into his cheeks.

"Thank you, by the way." he said, his voice low. "For all that. I just..." he trailed off and shrugged, not knowing what else to say. But Poe seemed to get it. He rubbed Finn's shoulder and grinned. 

"Anytime, buddy." He turned off the light and collapsed back on the bed, slinging an arm across Finn's chest. "But for the record, it's no trouble."

"Really?" 

"Of course. There’s nothing wrong with you, Finn.” he insisted, unusually serious. “Got that? Nothing at all." Finn smiled, not exactly agreeing, but not protesting either. 

"Except for my relationship decisions.” he teased. “Might want to work on those.” Poe rolled his eyes and nestled against Finn, pulling up the blankets to cover them both.

"Aw, c'mon. I can't be that bad." Poe complained. "Admit it, you like me." 

"Maybe a little bit." Finn mumbled, his eyes shut. Poe smiled and kissed Finn one more time.

"That's enough for me."

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know. It seemed like a good idea at the time.


End file.
